I aim to visit France this year if I am able to magically hustle up the bread. I have never been to that country and I have a feeling that I am not going to like it; but that is where my heart presently points , and a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do .
Why do I think I won't like visiting France?Primary reason is that I don't even speak any French, at least not quite intelligibly; and from the much I know about the French, they do get impatient with you if you don’t speak their language - even those of them who speak fluent English. Not to worry though, just last Christmas I survived a visit to Germany with my own version of sign language. I guess it should work equally well in France;all things being equal.
I am one of those unfortunate not to have succeeded in learning any other foreign language apart from English. I really don’t have the patience. French I really should have no excuse not to have learned because we had excellent teachers in Secondary school. My undoing had however been that my second form French teacher had been too excellent. She was this sable beauty who hijacked my nocturnal ... cerebration for several months. A wonderful creature, built I think by God for the primary purpose of becoming eye candy ; and quite as sweet too look at as only les bon-bons should only be permitted to taste. So one day in class , as she deliciously enunciated her comment allez vous , I had finally taken a bold step to show her how much her beauty had conquered my heart. So I had winked at her;yes I gave my very macho wink- all 12 year old of me; all three feet six inches tall of me.
But this fascinating goddess, she apparently was not as world wise as I had thought. Hey , wasn't every chick supposed to know that when a guy winked at you, he is saying without words how much he digs you? Well I really dug her like crazy so I had given here my macho wink. Her response had sadly been utterly disappointing. She handed me an assignment to write 1000 lines.
But she'd so much captured my heart you see? So I had even before the next lesson drawn1000 beautiful lines for her in a note book , with a ruler and a packet of coloured pencils. And what was again her response ? Not what I expected at all. I think people should be more specific about what they want. To cut the story short, I got unofficially banned from her French class; or more correctly I absconded the class because no way was I going to write " I promise never to be rude to my teacher and elders again", 5000 times. No way was I going to do that; not for any woman. So with a heavy heart, I eschewed French class , basically because I was heartbroken. I wish women knew how badly a man’s heart bleeds when he is madly in love with her and she doesn’t dig his ass not even a little bit. I consequently failed French for three terms running and finally dropped out completely from the class.Tragic.
Anyway as I was saying I am looking to spend a couple of weeks or so in France this year if I am able to hustle up the bread. And if I speak with a pretty French lady on the street and she responds with s slap to my face, you know who is to blame. It is that gorgeous French teacher who stole my heart and soul more than forty years ago.