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Nose To Grindstone - an advertisement for myself

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I foresee that my nose will one day get me into trouble. Please stay awhile while I explain. Last week I was speaking on the phone with a friend I hadn't seen in more than 30 years. He was with another friend whom I hadn't seen in as many years and I had just met again in an event earlier in the day. I remember you and your pointed nose, my previously lost friend said to me. On hearing those words,I again thanked God I didn't choose to become a criminal else my career would have been very short indeed. I would have been rumbled by my nose in no time. Much of this remain strange to me really because everyday I look in the mirror I don’t see a nose any different from what anyone else has. Maybe as they say familiarity makes one unappreciated; and we certainly have come a long way together me and my nose, and that is why I don't appreciate it.
You'll probably remember primary school days. Those years when you went to school with other kids with the most awkward features in the world; such as bat ears, bulging eyes,heads covered in ringworm scabs, belly buttons as large as tennis balls ,toothless gums and a horde of comic features . Indeed in those days your friend's surname usually was their own besetting feature. You had Luqman Toad-Eyes , Demola Four-Eyes , Sade Ringworm-Head , David Rabbit-Ears , Funke Rotten-Teeth, Yomi No-Front-Teeth , Yewande Big-Head and so on. I was White-Man's-Nose . Not that I did mind much later in life though, especially when I started to discover girls who had a fetish for nice noses on men. But that is another story altogether.
How did I come about this peculiar nose? Well I can only guess. Ever since I was a child I had been allergic to practically any stuff that could naturally become airborne - dust , pollen, loose hair, loose feathers;stuff like that. They instantly send me into a sneezing fit and I end up with a stuffy and runny nose, needing frequent blowing to clear. Well, whenever you blow your nose you eventually also pinch and pull your nose even if a little bit.I guess my nose just got trained to grow that way - outwards. I may be wrong though ; because a lot of times I get this impression that I have had more than two previous lives as a non-African.
The persistent trouble with my nose is that for most of my adult life I have been regularly mistaken in the street for a Hausa or Fulani person. Even in London,Somali's have regularly attempted to conscript me into their community. I have constantly had to explain to people that I am as a matter of fact 100 % Yoruba and Nigerian. It happens all the time and everywhere. I dread being caught in a situation of war; I could quickly fall under the sword of my own unbelieving kin.

I'll tell you more about my nose. Are you still there? Oh what a shame, everyone's gone away....

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