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On winning a literary prize

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I am never going to win a literary prize. There is no point trying anymore. I stopped trying long ago. I am too undisciplined a writer to be trusted with trophies. It would have been great to win one really; and to see my face slapped on tabloids all over the world; and to have my books measured out for sale in the shops by feet and yards instead of sold in measly single copies.
But I guess I write in ways that should infuriate literary judges, critics and a good percentage of the literary community . In fairness to those guys; it must be very hard to give marks for a piece of writing that reads like no other contestant . Better to play safe instead and stamp it worthless in foot-high letters; and afterward debate a decree that future contestants be forced to undergo compulsory sanity tests.
I may indeed be a scary writer I have realized . Much of my writing does remain untamed - walking a lonely valley which separates literary writing and pure jive.It is dangerous terrain and I have met very few along the way so far. Every step , every sentence reads like an impossible segue. I hurl profanities without warning. I upset the reader.
From story to story, book to book I commit literary faux pas-es which stick a red tongue in the face of organized literary movements and structures. With every book, every story written I drive a nail into the coffin of a dream of literary apotheosis. I will never win a literary prize . It is all my doing and there is nobody else to blame for that.
Critics, judges, editors,sinners, witches, wizards, ass****s, mother******s, and sundry obstacles, I absolve you all.
I absolve you all.